im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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