What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
