Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
please come you make the beer taste better
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
