My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
