I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
