i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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