You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
