Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
