You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
