got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
