my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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