so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
