yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
