um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
