Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
