Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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