When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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