i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
