you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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