Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
