Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dick very happy bro
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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