Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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