that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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