I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
