you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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