you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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