if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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