Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
