Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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