I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
