He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
