Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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