You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
