The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
