HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
