Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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