I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My cat gives me a boner
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
