He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
