He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I forget how to act sober
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
