remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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