I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
