how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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