this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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