Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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