And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I want a musical about memes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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