why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
there is glitter all over my balls
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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