the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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