he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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