Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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