you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bring money and cleavage
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
