I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
