Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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