i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is wine microwaveable?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
