we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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