Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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