You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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