You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize