so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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