So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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