Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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