I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
is wine microwaveable?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize