Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
