ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
