You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
