The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
