Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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