The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
