Three words: puerto rican gang bang
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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