Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
