I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
