$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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