a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i've created a new STD.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
