Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
