help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
