she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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