I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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