My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
