this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize