So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
