My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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