I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Less talking, more tequila
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
