I wish my penis had an off switch
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
