Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
