Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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