why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was CRYING into my vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
