Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
